Mastering Communication:The Science of Influence, Trust & Human Behavior"Season 2-Episode 26

Hey FunLifers,

We’d all love to believe we’re rational, conscious, analytical human beings…

…but most of the time, we’re not.

Most people don’t make decisions logically.

They make decisions emotionally, then use logic to justify them after.

That one truth changes how you should communicate with everyone:

your spouse, your team, your clients, your friends, your prospects — all of it.

Why communication is the ultimate life skill

When you master communication, you don’t just get better at sales or leadership.

You get better at:

· relationships

· conflict resolution

· parenting (or preparing to be a parent)

· hiring / interviews

· building trust quickly

· influencing outcomes without force

It’s foundational.

Influence vs. manipulation

Here’s the key distinction:

Influence and manipulation use the same tools.

The difference is intent.

If your intent is to help someone move toward a better outcome — that’s influence.

If your intent is to benefit yourself at their expense — that’s manipulation.

Same skill set. Different purpose.

The truth about “gift of gab”

When I was younger, I thought great communicators were just great talkers.

Now I believe the opposite.

The best communicators:

· ask better questions

· listen more than they talk

· lead with curiosity, not answers

· make people feel seen, safe, and understood

Communication isn’t talking more.

It’s building connection.

Trust happens fast

Most people form a decision about you quickly — sometimes within seconds.

Before you say the “right” thing… they feel:

· your energy

· your confidence (or insecurity)

· your calm (or urgency)

· your nervous system state

People don’t hear your words first.

They feel your presence.

The communication stack: Body, Tone, Words

A big concept I touch on in this episode is that communication isn’t just the words.

It’s a stack:

1) Body language

More than half of communication is non-verbal.

Posture, eye contact, facial tension, breathing, gestures, how you sit, how close you stand — it all sends signals.

High-trust signals look like:

· open posture

· slower movement

· stillness over fidgeting

· visible palms

· a calm, grounded presence

Low-trust signals look like:

· closed posture

· leaning away

· too much motion/gesturing

· tension, rushed energy, scattered eye contact

Your physiology leads the interaction.

2) Tone

Tone signals safety vs threat. Confidence vs insecurity.

One of the biggest upgrades you can make:

· slow down

· use pauses

· drop the filler words

· speak with calm certainty instead of rushed urgency

Slower speech tends to increase credibility.

Calm tone tends to regulate the room.

3) Words

Words matter — but they’re last in the stack.

Words guide direction.

Body + tone carry most of the emotion and trust.

If you want language that builds trust, use phrases like:

· “Help me understand…”

· “Walk me through…”

· “It sounds like…”

· “Correct me if I’m wrong…”

Avoid language that creates resistance:

· “You should…”

· “That’s wrong…”

· “The truth is…”

· “You always / you never…”

People resist being told.

They respond to being guided.

A framework therapists use (that you can steal)

I went down a rabbit hole on how therapists are trained — and it’s insanely applicable to leadership, coaching, and relationships.

Here are a few models:

Client-centered therapy

· empathy

· non-judgment

· emotional validation

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)

Thoughts → emotions → behaviors

If you want to change behavior, you have to address the thought and emotion underneath it.

Motivational interviewing

People change when they hear themselves explain why.

Not when you tell them why.

Common communication mistakes (I’m working on these too)

· interrupting

· arguing facts (when someone’s “fact” is their lived experience)

· rushing to solutions

· forcing outcomes

Better moves:

· slow the room down

· name the emotion

· ask permission before advice

· use silence intentionally

Silence creates pressure — and people often fill it with the truth.

A simple challenge for this week

Try these three:

1.    Slow your speech down

2.    Ask one more question than you normally would

3.    Summarize before responding

“What I’m hearing is ___… is that right?”

Because the best communicators don’t convince.

They create conditions where people convince themselves.

Have a great day!-Corey